hello moto

ah shit everyone is doing crit comm. i am hardly halfway there but i am not doing anything about it. partly because i handed in whatever i could have possibly included inside the crit comm to mr lofty that time (1 month ago HAHAHAFFFFF) and i just have no idea how much further i can enhance it when i have not slotted AT ALL. omg shit. ah whatever la stress so much also no use i should just sit back and enjoy life haha. ya right i am actually panicking RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW AS I AM TYPING OMGF. not over crit comm though. over SLOTS. shit i really hate the juniors' timetables because its so hard to coordinate a timing for us to have slots. and thursday is my birthday and friday i have a dinner and saturday i have a dinner and a lunch to attend. ah. omgomgomg chill lijia chill.

okok everything will settle itself. i just have to relax. thursday is my birthday afterall. i cant possibly slot (because i dont want to hehe, i end at 2 then i have to wait for my juniors till 525?!) so i will go home and sleep and celebrate with my family at night. and btw there's this really good song by jewel called foolish games, from the soundtrack of batman and robin. it is so romantic. i love it.

my dad just gave me 300 because he was awarded some top performer shit at work and received quite some money. i feel loaded now even though 300 really isnt alot of you think about it... actually i tell you all a secret (its really something i've never told anyone!) i want to get this gucci belt. i've been eyeing it for some time already. i have no idea how much it costs. i dont even want to go look at it ANOTHER time because i think it is ridiculous i should ever want a gucci belt. i know myself too well. because i am a spendthrift and i dont know how to save money. and i really think it is wrong to want something even my parents dont lust after. okay after blogging about it i've decided that i wont buy it. i'm just never contented with everything i have.

i havent gotten down to counting my hongbao money but i think its already about 400. cos my relatives have given me hongbaos for my birthday as well. my grandma gives 100 per shot so should be quite alot now. i dont rip them open immediately after reaching home because i think its rude, i think it spoils the surprise at the end of the 15 days and because i already have the 300 in my hands and am not in eager need of money (if not i would peep at all the angbaos before i even reach home please). hurray. it just feels so comfortable knowing you have money to fall back on. really know. i always feel damn insecure when i have no money. like that day the outing with 4e. everything "cheryl can pay for me!"

okay so now updates on my chinese new year. i wanted to post pictures but blogger is just retarded. it wont appear so heck. day 1 i went to my grandma's house in the morning and my uncle's house in the afternoon then another relative's house in the late afternoon. day 2 went to my grandma's house for dinner. omg she spent alot of effort on the sharks fin but it turned out really thick and gooey because she used a lil too much starch. it was damn gross (i'm sorry grandmama) and i kept using the spoon to ladle it up and watch it drip sadly back into the bowl (not forgetting slowly, since it was hell of a starch soup). my grandma spent like 70 on the sharks fin itself and even more on the crab meat but i was just too turned off so i didnt eat a single thing in that bowl except for the very pathetic pieces of crab i managed to pluck out of the soup and scrape away the starch coated on them. eeeyuck thinking about it now makes my stomach churn real bad. ooh but she cooked my favourite tempura prawns! ummm but they were kinda soggy and the batter stuck to the prawns after some time haha. sighs. i could tell my grandma was sad when we didnt touch the sharks fin. you know sometimes when i disappoint people and i see the look on their faces, the sad look, it can kill me.

my uncle has opened a cafe at UE Square. its called Venus Cafe so go!!!!! the food is ultra cheap really.! ;D

OOH before i forget i have have have to thank CLARA LIM for teaching me lit over the phone!!!!!!!!!! thanks SOSOSO much girl! you really helped me understand the extract ALOT :)

loves all! oops and happy vday to those who gave me stuff i'm really so sorry i didnt return anything!

what a fun day!

hehehehehe!! finally decided to come online and blog because i just had a damn fun day. it was an outing with my sec3/4 classmates. omg so damn fun! okay for a start, alot of people came. me cheryl brinda crystal shinyu jane yuanxin kelvin minhan pohtiong zhihan rongfeng weisiong kiathwee tingsheng yorkyong. okay is that all? did i leave anyone out? yup i think that should be all. thats like ALOT of people if you ask me. we met at marina square at supposedly 3 but the boys were so late. anyway nvm. omg the boys have grown to become SO much taller! and like so much cuter and hotter. HAHA. now they all seem quite eligible. but anyway yuanxin was DAMN funny i swear. we were sitting diagonally opposite each other then he said XX is hot and like made a joke out of it in his really usual idiotic style and i just couldnt stop laughing. and then he wanted to eat kelvin's brocolli and i said use a fork and he said the stalk is for him to pick up the brocolli. HAHAHAHA anyway must see then will laugh. i swear i've never had such a good laugh in ages. so thankful for this meetup! after eating at Changing Appeitites we went to the pool place and lingered outside then some people left and we went to Mind Cafe at dhoby ghaut. its basically this cafe where you get to play board games at $2 per hour. but after adding everything up the service charge like cost alot. ah nvm as long as we all had a fun time. i really did. and yorkyong kept making really hilarious noises when we were playing this damn scary and irritating and confusing game (to me la) and he kept WOAH-ing and BOO-ing HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and then after that when we left at the traffic light he re-demonstrated everything. it is the first time this year i ever laughed so sincerely and heartily. i so miss these people who'd crack such lame jokes you'd want to smack their asses and cry. seriously. bring me back to those good old days!

sighssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss i really do miss those days. i hope we do this often. it's so fun.

i have a deprived life. or so i just realised. ah but actually what defines deprived? actually i think i should feel contented. so :)

had chinese new year celebration in the morning as usual. okay goodnight! ooh my tsd group prelims went well i suppose. love all. damn tired zzzzzzzzzzzzz

4E FOREVER!

please dont think i'm crazy

oh my God i just couldnt resist coming online to blog because mydad has been a bloody pain in the neck i swear. i really hate him now. from the very core of my heart. he has so much angst inside him which is caused by his workload and he takes it out on us ocassionally. even though its only ocassionally, "ocassionally" also hurts. i really hate it. because its times like that when i feel i'm not a child, not the gift of life but actually some toy for my parents to vent their anger on. it makes me feel hatred against them because i really really believe that children are gifts from God we ought not to take granted of. but maybe it all seems too easy to be a parent now to me. perhaps when i grow up i will understand. but my dad just shouted at my sis like mad and i feel sorry for her even though we are not on talking terms.

sighs. i can just go on and on about the situation of my life, go on ranting hardcore about how mean people are, go on waxing lyrical about the good things too, but i'll never be able to sum life up. i will never be able to describe fully my life or life in general.

on a lighter note, my tsd exams are on the 14 of february. which is valentine's day of course. but its alright. i wouldnt be much affected anyway because i dont score dates like other girls do on valentine's day. and its been going on for since valentine's day appeared in my life. probably secondary school. but anyway after group exam at 3-5pm i'm going out for dinner with the group yay! been spending lots of time with groupmates and am beginning to find them alot of fun to be around with :) hope everything goes smoothly!

anyway damn funny. there's this thing called Feeling Fab which vjc year 2s have to sign up for. its sorta like a compulsory enrichment course consisting of choices like yoga, pilates, photography (LOL) and several other dances. i signed up for hiphop obviously, with jiahui, angie, steph, mel, matt. but it turned out kinda weird cos the dance steps were............. well just really weird. so we basically just chatted our time away by the side of the hall and laughed at people who danced awkwardly. and gawked at people who rocked the dancefloor. but anyway. after teaching us the dance steps, the instructors came to personally pick out people to compete. and i was one of the lucky ones. i felt utterly frightened because jiahui and i didnt learn the dance steps. we were talking the whole time. and like when i went up i just managed the first part then started doing my own thing together with the taught steps by looking at the other dancers. omh how embarrassing. thats why zixuan tagged about me dancing in the tagboard. i still think i really embarrassed myself.

i put my life on hold. just for tsd. those crazy nights of ending at 9pm+++ and then returning back to school the next day at like 7am........ i really just dont want to think about anything else other than my theatre pieces so please try not to sms because i might not reply. sorry.

today when i was out buying costumes for the whole group, i shopped a little. it was so fun! i seriously cant imagine myself being attached to a boy anymore. it all seems so NOT me. although i'm always whining that i want a boyfriend and i need someone to take care of me, i'll seriously get sick of the boy and just break it all up in no time. because i have tsd, i have amily, i have friends, i have ambitions and because i have a knack for falling for boys with no ambitions they usually dont understand what my ambitions mean to me. anyway sorry for sidetracking. so today i went to buy the costumes right, (we're all wearing bedroom nightgowns/slips) i went to shop aroundand i bought so much redundant stuff for myself. hahahahahaaha. as usual. i bought a pair of shoes which are damn gorgeous omg and so cheap la only $30! it looks like snakeskin but it isnt. anyway it'll look so good with my black stockings. anyway i also bought a pair of earrings and alot of brooches because necklaces are really expensive these days so i decided to make my own and reuse the chains. i only need nice pendants but how timely, there arent any pendants to be found and i realised brooches make good pendants if you string them carefully. haha

last night i met youk and kt and nicholas after slots at around 730 (actual meeting time was 7 la walao luckily i was late too if not i would have shouted at all of them) on 197 to collect my money back from kt. i still owe him his birthday gift haha. anyway so kt dropped off somewhere along siglap road and the remaining 3 of us rode back to bedok. nicholas left and i went with youk to the interchange to buy my stuff for groups. i just tried to search la but to no avail. so nvm anyway. after that we went to giant to walk walk and talk and then he sent me home but on the bus ride he decided he wanted to eat so we went to bedok food centre to eat! he had lamb soup and i ate my good ol popiah. fastforward we got on the bus at around 930? i reached home soon after and dropped dead on my bed after washing my hair! not forgetting going to cold storage to buy my loreal hot curls spray and the whole lot of foodstuff for my juniors. which youk very kindly helped me carry. hehe, thats all for last night. ooh i was coming up with really dumb ideas during group session and because my piece is about me balding and all the other girls having obsessions with their body parts, i thought of saying "hair implants, beijing 101" which, till now, still cracks me up. hahahaha.

recently i just heard from this boy i met through a mutual friend while working last year. its weird now. we've all changed. people who used to be a huge part of your life are now under the "just friends" category.

to the people i love. i miss you all hardcore. plus my homie!!!!!!!! i hope i am meeting her this thur. if i am lucky i would meet and talk with angela too. loves all much much much.

i put your picture away, sat down and cried today

haha the words in the title are from a song, although i really did cry today. it's picture by sheryl crow featuring kid rock and it is one of the songs that have the ability to take your breath away. so romantic. i love the words too. they make sense unlike some songs which catch your attention but you never seem to be able to grasp the meaning. ah anyway i really broke down in school today cos i REALLY really am one big mess now. i guess a huge part of that was due to groups which i spend most of my 24hours daily worrying about. anyway i felt really embarrassed for just crying cos its the freaking third time mr lofthouse has seen me in tears. even josef hasn't seen me cry before! thats terrible isnt it. and then he always doesnt know what to say to me and we kinda came to a group piece because they concentrated on my despair. haha. so now.......... i have no idea. tmr's saturday and i'm devoting it to groups. because i need to. prelims is in 2 weeks time. just thinking about it can add lines to my face i swear.

last night was one big sob affair cos we were the last group to leave school at like 945pm. i wanted to take a cab home cos it was damn late and i had econs to do. but i lent youk or rather kt $45 so i had only $2.50 in my wallet. and so i called home to tell my dad to prepare money so the driver wont have to wait. but then he sounded unwilling and that really pissed me off cos it was so damn late what did he expect me to do. WAIT FOR A BUS AND GET HOME IN AN HOURS' TIME? but anyway i just didnt bother about him and hung up. so then when i reached home my mom came out to pay for the cab. so problem solved. but i was feeling tired and pissy about how they didnt show any concern about anything at all. plus groups really wore me out after we came to nothing. so i just shut up and didnt answer their questions. after a short while of reading my econs i just broke down quietly.

and thank God my photoshoot was yesterday cos my eyes were really swollen today. everyone was like "omg what happened to your eyes". thanks for your concern all, i'm fine really cos i just woke up from a super long nap!

today floorball was da bomb! hahahahahaha i looooove playing floorball on friday mornings! its so exciting and funny. and mr seet is so nice and fun to be with! oh by the way i bumped into mr tang the other day. was so surprised and happy to see him! i miss him la. sometimes when you meet people who once meant so much to you in life (not mr tang but basically.. people.) , you just smile at them and chat a little and wonder why nice people can only come and go and not stay for good. but i guess thats life. anyway i really am crap at floorball and everytime the ball comes nearer and nearer i get damn nervous i will stick my tongue out and shake my head at mr seet and signal him not to pass to me but it always doesnt happen so i end up shooting but it goes sideways cos my aiming is like KNS can. hahahaha. i will scream whenever the ball comes and i swear i'll change my ways!! its so ugly

anyway i met youk (thats ming by the way) last evening to talk. cos i was feeling down. luckily he had no school and was bumming around the east which is just a few bustops from my house! so we went to the food centre near my house and ate and talked. felt so much better and i forgot i was sitting on bus 45 la i took it all the way to eunos without knowing haha cos was reading the devil wears prada as usual. then got down and changed a bus just in time to make it back to school at night.

my curls are really getting out of hand! :(

people aren't very trustoworthy afterall. they always let jealousy get involved with their friendships. is there really a need to spoil the friendship like that? THINK ABOUT IT.

zixuan is a face of the year too! i'm going to vote for him.

i have nothing else to say. i love my class (the nice people only though HAHA which is like 17 people out of 18 la so not that bad!) more and more. meeting bel on tuesday/thursday to buy a gift for our ex colleage cos we're not going for her birthday party. yay!! cant wait to meet my homie. loveya all people. take good care of yourselves cos chinese new year is coming woo! love it love it