dilemma part one

hello, i am having the time of my life at work.

but i still dont know what i want from boys. and i need to find the answer soon.

i love cheryl and huijie forever and i hope that jiahui comes back from cambodia safe and sound. to the rest, i have not forgotten you guys. you know i love yall..

heehehehehe

hey all! i am too lazy and tired to blog but i shall! i'm having a great time. work's fun. great colleages and all and i love gift wrapping. anyway umm kinda forgot what i wanted to say. anyway nvm. today kt and youk came to my workplace and i wrapped kt's shoes with my powerful skills. see i guessed correctly that on thursday they wanted to scare me or something by popping out. but it failed. but i'm quite smart. royce came along too. he's nice. ate for an hour and i was just in time to slot my card! had dinner with bel and its just so weird how we have SO many similarities. and we were saying that when we get our pay we'd wear our corsets out and buy everything we want and fill out stomachs out till the corsets burst. hahaha.

anyway people love bringing their babies to Tangs and i love ogling at them and playing with them!! anyway i cant believe tmr's monday feels like tmr's sunday to me!! see working so much makes me mad. but anyway work's fun haha ok love bye!

i'm like wtf

i've read someone's xanga site. tsd people ought to know.

WHAT, THE, FUCK?! tell me about it.

my ____

this boy at work.
he takesmybreathaway

um, happy?

JUST GOT HOME! am kinda breathless. but today was fun. work's always fun la. hee.

and today was the most high day cos we all got high sucking on skittles while working and at like 935 i had to go up to this boy working at the shoe section to ask for his number (because i bet that after 835pm there would be less than 2 customers coming to wrap their gifts but ah!). but its okay i mean i'm not the kind who freaks out at such things cos me and such things, WE GO WAY BACK :) hahahaha my colleages got freaked out at how brave i was and so after that i was really worried he'd think i was interested in him i said "dont worry its just a dare from my friends". hahaha, i was supposed to say like "can i have your number darling?" (mirabel's TERRIBLE idea! that girl!!!!!! drama mama!) hahahaha got all of us laughing our heads off and we even sang London Bridge (not the nursery rhyme one! its the one by fergie!) and dancing like whores hahahaha. all these u'll better enjoy now before time flies past and u cant catch your youth back anymore. was temporarily doing some admin stuff cos i volunteered to for the first half of today. so i did the work with this malay boy (whom someone thinks is cute hmmm!!) but i was WAY faster than him. hahahaha. and the older people there are SO nice! this woman was so nice she kept asking me to go for a break and then when i finished she kept saying thanks. what for? u're paying me to do such simple work! that malay boy darn cute he kept eavesdropping on the old ladies' talking and laughs in such a funny way and he's like so darn friendly. and the people at work always get so shocked when i say i am pure chinese. like get over it already, i've been working for a whole week! but everyone still asks if i am malay/caucasian/german?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!

the most ridiculous i ever heard! and the impressionable (or should i say VERY impressionable) 16 year olds like to ask about really weird questions... haha. my dearest uncle came to visit me at work today!! i was eating a sweet and folding my wrapper into a heart shape extremely peacefully, not being disturbed or distracted by anything when this man just came infront of me and it was a familiar face. we then walked around Tangs and he left to meet his friend. not too bad, at least he came to visit! vikki thought he was my boyfriend (yes if my uncle reads this i know he is going to be happy to hear that he looks young). vikki is SOOOOOOOOO cute!!!!! she's just bloody cute. she' on attachment from Phillipines and she's like the fucking cutest lady i've ever met. so sincere and... aww childlike. (she likes my hair and i let her smell it today she gave me such a genuine look of "oh-yeah-your-hair-smells-darn-good) hahahahah!

glad i am working tmr, mirabel cant believe i dont club (after all that mad dancing today), mirabel is going to ask our indian man for his friendster :D

muchie lovie people. i love ya all.

zihui: angie's dog soon i promise.

its now that you know who your best friends are. love huijiecheryl.

where'd you go? i miss you so

heya all :) just came home from TSD group meeting!! it was like, fun. HAHA. i know i'm not supposed to have fun during a group meeting but it was fun!! huiying couldnt come so we spoke through the phone. i dont think i will go for tmr's meeting cos i have work at 10. i mean i could probably make it for the meeting with Mr Lofthouse at 830 but i really dont want to come to school with such thick makeup (which Tangs forces us to have daily) like a drag queen and wearing my work clothes. and i guess i can always get my group mates to fill me in. so yeah. sorry group mates!!

well i was the second to reach today. haha. kyna was first but she disappeared. then claire came. then mel, then tanying. we settled on our idea, then tanying had to go. from there, we discussed a little and proceeded to talk about things unrelated to TSD. hahahahaa! it was really relaxing. and to discover some stuff. kinda unexpected. and that kyna. she told me "lijia my friend says u are very blahblah" and then i turned to look at her, and i was like "huh?" and then that woman said, "yeah my friend wants to bang you around". (bang is a very bad word btw if you dont know!!) what a rude shock!!! so vulgar that kyna! always say fuck like nobody's business! haiyoo, anyway chatting with her, claire and mel was quite interesting. mel that poor girl. sighs. claire keeps saying i'm weird. lol. she hasn't seen so many people yet man!! they are weirder than me! but my groupmates are fun people and its fun being in an all girls group. hehehehe. :)

today is my off day so obviously i didnt go for work. sian. miss Tangs. lol!! :( TOMORROW. TOMORROW IS COMING. WOO.

my mom loves me ALOT, i am so glad and so happy to be her daughter. my dad too. and everyone who loves me. i know. thank you ALL so much ok. i really appreciate the love. :)

yesterday was 1211 my favourite boy!

i

you make me feel i'm alive

back then
i swore i'd never love again
i swore my heart would never mend
said love wasn't worth the pain
but then i hear it call my name

(i think love found me in the rough)

i'm really really SO happy with my job at Tangs. hahaha. its been like heaven (despite the 24/7 standing on my feet, short lunch breaks, upset managers, kaypoh aunties, rude customers) to me. Tangs is now a FAMILY to me. i enjoy work SO much especially with the friendly aunties and malay girls. i am SO gonna miss this place when i leave. therefore leaving my workplace daily is a bittersweet thing. i LOVE working there. i LOVE the people there. thank God!!! :)

today was great.. joking and laughing with priya(my colleage, not the senior) about life, boys, colleages, food, short lunch breaks with mariam (who said i was quiet today), getting to know mirabel whose sister is in my school and has the same good taste in boys with me, judy the super sweet 16yr old always talking crap with me during breaks, ETC ETC.. great customers.. aww.. i so love this place. sorry for the repetition. but today there was something not too good. but still hehehehehehe. anyway tmr and monday i'm off! its my rest days. :) + :( misses

btw i'm located at the gift wrap counter on the 3rd level Tangs Orchard, NEAR THE MEN'S BRIEFS AHEM. they even have thongs there facing us eurgh what an ugly sight!! and transparent stuff oh noo!!! and the male customers think we are te sales assistants and ask us about them and i just go red in the face lolol!! like omg i never knew they had transparent types and EURGH!! but so funny.

loves all. too lazy to blog. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST UNCLE!! :D i will stay at home to complete your present tmr and monday!

i love life. do you? i think i've matured. my shweeeeeeeeeeeeeet y.

you're gonna find yourself somewhere.. somehow.

heya. been a great day, much fun working though its damn tiring standing 24/7. but serving customers is really a joy, especially today (my first day! how proud!) when i saw two uber cute sweetie pie baby muffin babies!! aww, and one parent was so sweet she kept making the baby wave at me. but her husband was kinda pissy at her, which is pretty man. but he doesnt look like a bad man so i give him the benefit of the doubt. lol! i love kids and i want to have kids.

and now i'm actually in Tangs customer service (turn into the corridor after u see the Island Shop) until friday when i will get the actual job i applied for. the actual job is gonna be so exciting. i feel like Santa's helper! :D guess what job??

have to wear black pants daily, so ugly! luckily my mom tried (the key word here is TRIED) to help me sew them into drainpipe skinnys or else i'd die of embarrassment cos the pants are fuglyglygly. and the shoes oh gosh they are worse. i bought them from Tangs and they hurt like crazy my new found colleage and i both took off our shoes during work lolol! tak glam! but too pain! roars

and the people i meet are great. they're so nice! :) mostly malays. they girls call me babydoll. i always cringe at that cos its so not me. anyway there are malay boys there, quite cute!! lol! :D happy working kwan lijia ;p

i am looking forward to the $950 i will get at the end of all these.

met up with cheryl and huijie today for lunch. the highlight of the day. and more to come on 23&24! i told my boss already!

me miss oooooooooooo, oooo oooo!

what?

what's this world coming to? tell me, i
c a n t
h e a r
y o u

anymore

MOVING ON, I got a job. i feel so excited i could burst now telling you about how exciting its going to be since xmas is coming. but i am in an extremely bitter state because i know fo' sho i'm spending xmas alone. and while my work ties in very closely with xmas and happy gleeful kids and parents.. there's this emptiness inside of me which is crying to be heard. and i heard it and oh sorry for this emo entry i am getting too much these days.

i am so thankful (you have no idea) for this job. i am to darn lucky to land myself a job i think i would like, on the first day of my job hunting. i hope i make the best of this. will elaborate on the place and time and workdays and stuff in my next entry. its in orchard. too lazy to say now. but i know my parents are very happy i am working so near them.

bought another pair of skinny jeans in a faded grey! ONLY $90! so darn pretty. orgasmic. tell me about it. even better my mom paid for it altho she made herself so darn clear that i was supposed to wear a VERY long top when i wear them. my mom gave me lotsa money today too. she's real nice today hmmm.

tmr huijie and cheryl my dearests are coming to town to lunch with me.. seriously i am like fucking touched. sorry for being vulgar but i'm kinda tired now and i really just am so touched. when we're supposed to meet at tamp but they now have to come to town just to lunch with me and then go back to bedok. i really love ya both. thanks so much for the initiative and thought behind every single thing we've ever been through. jiahui picked the wrong date and said she wanna lunch with me too but then afterwards had to push that to another time. i guess i wont have time to meet the friends i've always promised to meet. i'm so sorry. esp babe, whose birthday present is still with me. i WILL make time for u guys cos its only a five-day work week but its not a saturday-sunday break kinda thing yeah. i dont get to choose which days i dont work. so we have to work that out but otherwise i am always

missing you besties.

how was halloween with the cool crew?

just thank God for everything

today's been totally.......... tiring. i am like so shagged. but happy. and excited.

today had my op. was fine. Mr Ng examined my group. well you can say we got lucky but then it was kinda nerve wrecking too cos he's a familiar face as angie said. but he's great and it's all good. he smiled a couple of times while i presented, am glad for that. it kinda eased me. i thought i spoke too fast but my team members thought it was fine, slow even. weird. hmmm. then the question they posed me with was "how much will your prototype cost?" OH WELL OH WELL i obviously did not prepare for this question so i think i kinda died there. i was so dumb, i said "um, $300 without contract" and then this male teacher started laughing and i heard snickers from the audience. i guess i blew my chance there but i just want to say this entire thing has been a learning experience and i learnt from it and i thank everyone who has thought me a thing or two; even if you are unaware of it. and HEY! no wonder Mr Ng kept saying "good luck for pw" in his smses to me!! he must have been aware he would be examining me! but maybe not.. cos they should only know the group index number. but nvm. the other two lucky groups got Mr Dax Young, so they should be fine. i sincerely hope A15 does real good. :)

after op we had our class lunch!! was SO MUCH fun!! hahahahahaha totally enjoyed laughing my head off at the distorted individual pictures elroy took for all of us using his laptop. its so funny!! well we first had lunch at the foodcourt then went to eat icecream and basically just lost our marbles at Venezia haha and yes the green tea icecream isnt that bad at all! and the best thing about class outings are that you get to taste every flavour of icecream and i regret to say my icecream flavour was the worst of all but it sure didnt taste bitter to me or jiahui although matthew said so! we were so noisy (as always) but it was great fun. i really hope we have more of such outings. and steph, i do not act as mommy to the class! i'm just being the responsible ct rep. Mr Tan didnt join us cos of his sore eye. and Huajia's eyes are kinda swollen!! hope they both cure fast. anyway today we paka with Huajia say wanna do hand signal to her when she speaks too soft/loud/slow or she doesnt have enough eye contact damn funny!! i did the not-enough-eye-contact signal to her and she looked at me twice lol in that "hey-did-i-just-see-lijia-signal-to-me-look!! its really quite funny hahahahahah. but anyway she really did okay la. and ginny koh warned me (with her angry but not angry look lol) not to make funny faces at her like i did in her dry run last time HAHA she damn cute i always cant resist making fun of her. anyway i didnt la this is A Levels man no joke joke!! :D

MY OH MY Mr Tan just sms-ed me something so bloody nice i cant bloody believe this!!!!

I AM LIKE WTF NOW>!?!!>!>!>!!?!??!?!?!?!?! i tell you he can make me cry.

anyway i just went to plaza sing to buy a birthday present. was supposed to meet my mom but ah lazy to go to meet her so just went straight home. the long bus ride on 14 can kill. and the army boys on the way dont smell too good. went to the childcare centre just around the corner to see if they had vacancies but sadly they dont. i love kids.

HOW COME EVERYTIME YOU COME AROUND MY LONDON BRIDGE WANNA GO DOWN

miss my dearest cheryl, my dearest huijie and my dearest jiahui. all are MY dearestssssssss!!!! and babe owes me a date hmmm.

you dont mean a thing

hi! tmr's my op. so nervous. doesnt help that i have absolutely no idea what questions the examiners might ask. AND i cant think of any possible questions now!!but overall still so glad that this is the last of project work i am ever going to see. sighs! its bittersweet. but more on the bitter side. haha.

i hope VJ018 VJ019 VJ020 VJ021 do well!!! hehehehee. we really must do Mr Tan SO PROUD. after everything with him, an entire year of FRUSTRATIONS (especially so with me haha), him always telling me not to frown, if not he'll not allow me to do things if i dont smile, (right clara), treating us, being patient and so much more. i've always taken him for granted. next year he's going to be my favourite teacher cos i dont take chinese anymore. and when i leave right, i think i will cry.

my corset will fit perfectly once i alter it. my mom's helping me alter. yay. so happy. its so damn nice. my sis says she wants to borrow it (AGAIN) she has been borrowing so many of my clothes lately RAWR later she stretches them then when i wear them they wont be fitting anymore. so frustrating.

went grocery shopping with my family yesterday!! :D :D it was so fun especially when you have a car to drive you around and your parents pay for the grocery. the whole sum amounted to $147 lolol!! not my fault!! my sis and i just got carried away and added lotsa stuff to out shopping cart. i took corn, soya bean milk, wang wang pao pao guo dong (its such a yummy drink i love it!!), cognac chocolate (and remind me not to eat any cos i took so much yesterday my throat was burning and had so much phlegm today), and alotALOT more other rubbish food. and frozen prawn trellis! mmm!! i need to find a job immediately on monday i think.

i'll be happy just the way i am. i dont need help/sympathy/whatsoever. and worse, your judging me.

baby

i am looking for babysitting/tutoring jobs. anyone has younger siblings who are extremely naughty, call me! i can handle them!! :D

okay this post is to reveal the answers to the sill thingy 3 entries back. hahaha. well actuallyyyyy my maths fail, so i have 6 false statements instead of 5. so sorry!! sheesh i know i'm such a spoiler. but otherwise all should be fine. the false statements are:

4) I HATE PIGS' TROTTERS MORE THAN ANY FOOD OKAY!! haiyoo to my besties who dont know this i am so angry you know so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7) I HATE PEPPER AND VINEGAR IN MY FOOD! the people who usually dine with me ought to know. but sadly, NOBODY guessed it, except ming. but it doesnt count cos. ah long story.

8) i dont have any tattoos! yay! everyone got this right!! means i'm like the pure and innocent type in all your eyes. aww!! i am! lol!

10) i have NOT tried smoking! dont dare!

14) HAHA this one is so irritating!! matthew spotted the mistake in the statement and then cheryl followed suit in the tagboard!!! argh!! u guys are right la.

15) i have not had plastic surgery done on my nose and eyes for the record!! hahahahaha, well i would love to have a higher nose bridge and more prominent double eyelids but i dont dare go under the knife for fear of side effects and other stuff. maybe in future i'd do something but i really dont know. it depends on whether i dare to or not. plastic surgery to me isn't a big issue. if u've got the money and the guts just do it. its your face and if your want a higher self esteem and a prettier face whats stopping u? i'll do it if i need it in future.

THATS ALL FOLKS! :) CLASS OUTING IS ON MONDAY THE 6TH OF NOVEMBER! KEEP U GUYS UPDATED. we're going to sentosa btw :) oh and today's chinese was horrid! haha! just pass can la! :D love everyone! later i'm going out at night seeya all.

imwa DIE

haha, s f the ae. jffffffffffffff. anyone who figures that out gets like a million kisses from me i swear. yaFFFFFP.

just came home from angie's house. damn fun! she kept watching her silly taiwanese vcd serials all that crap stuff (and yes i did peep and laugh when i thought she wasnt looking) and i kept going to her kitchen to play with her dog dog (gou gou!!). the dog dog's so freaking cute. its name isnt dog dog of course, its some korean name. its like so cutesy poopy cupcake muffin beany squisy babygirl apricot face white cuddly milky baby pootsy hunny buns baby baby baby awwww mashy toots cutie pie. loved it to bits. kept rubbing its tummy and massaging the body. it seems to like it! so cuddly and cute i could spend forever playing with it!!!!!!!!! well it was after projectwork AND zihui was supposed to come along BUT she went home to sleep after her training (RAWR)! luckily angie's grandmomma sent us back and fro, so comfortable. if not i wouldnt go. angie should play with her pup more often. its like so cutie cutie baby sweet!! awww. melts my heart. took alot of pictures of it. show some time. anyway i left my specs case at angie's place so had to wear my specs home. not that i mind i really love clear vision but i'm too vain and lazy.

today was alright went for chinese (last lesson lao shi i am so gonna miss you!!). :'( i am pretty sad about it. lao shi's my favourite vjc teacher till date. she gave me such cute clips and a file for being class rep. she's just about the most sincere and loving person i've met in vjc. then she gave chocolates as usual, and a bookmark which she made herself. i love her to death. hung my bookmark on my bag! i hope she sees it someday and knows that i truly appreciate every little thing she's done for me, and the class. after chinese hung around the canteen with angie, steph and elroy. talked about everything we could possibly talk about, especially about some bastard in vjc. gross shit i never knew such people existed. sometimes girls are too weak. sometimes its not for us to say, cos no matter how many years have passed nobody still knows whether whatever happens is true/fake shit. so just let it be. life is so unpredictable and sad that sometimes i see it as predictable and i am happy just living my life not bothering about all these. whats the point? there's no point. everyone should just be selfish and live their lives and stop caring about others. haha. sorry if i sound like a bitter cynic but this is what life has taught me. anyway elroy was being so HIM today, he dared me to down my soup+milo+jelly mixture for $10 (one spoon full only). come on i'd have done it serious shit i can like buy my shoes with the extra $10. but then its so gross.. (but the $10 is like more than enough to cover anything plus that mixture was too mild to give me a stomachache) and if elroy really gave me that money i'd not be able to take it. so angie was like really willing as usual and elroy said he wants me to do it, not anyone else. i think he is a closet pervert somewhere cos he's always daring me to do such silly stuff for so much money/advantages. anyway after that we had a hard time finding a free classroom and elroy wrapped his jacket around me and disappeared and i had to walk around in the sun like some crazy person in a cold storage. found our class, we split into two groups then later we helped see steph's group. then it was then that i got tempted to go to angie's house. today we were discussing class outing on 6th nov. they said sentosa. what say clara?

projectwork tmr at 830.

sometimes i wonder why i give so much, to get nothing back at all. i ought to spend my time paying more attention to the people who love me, instead of the person i love. huge difference there loves all.

say parking lot fast and it sounds like what i'd like to say to you