please dont think i'm crazy

oh my God i just couldnt resist coming online to blog because mydad has been a bloody pain in the neck i swear. i really hate him now. from the very core of my heart. he has so much angst inside him which is caused by his workload and he takes it out on us ocassionally. even though its only ocassionally, "ocassionally" also hurts. i really hate it. because its times like that when i feel i'm not a child, not the gift of life but actually some toy for my parents to vent their anger on. it makes me feel hatred against them because i really really believe that children are gifts from God we ought not to take granted of. but maybe it all seems too easy to be a parent now to me. perhaps when i grow up i will understand. but my dad just shouted at my sis like mad and i feel sorry for her even though we are not on talking terms.

sighs. i can just go on and on about the situation of my life, go on ranting hardcore about how mean people are, go on waxing lyrical about the good things too, but i'll never be able to sum life up. i will never be able to describe fully my life or life in general.

on a lighter note, my tsd exams are on the 14 of february. which is valentine's day of course. but its alright. i wouldnt be much affected anyway because i dont score dates like other girls do on valentine's day. and its been going on for since valentine's day appeared in my life. probably secondary school. but anyway after group exam at 3-5pm i'm going out for dinner with the group yay! been spending lots of time with groupmates and am beginning to find them alot of fun to be around with :) hope everything goes smoothly!

anyway damn funny. there's this thing called Feeling Fab which vjc year 2s have to sign up for. its sorta like a compulsory enrichment course consisting of choices like yoga, pilates, photography (LOL) and several other dances. i signed up for hiphop obviously, with jiahui, angie, steph, mel, matt. but it turned out kinda weird cos the dance steps were............. well just really weird. so we basically just chatted our time away by the side of the hall and laughed at people who danced awkwardly. and gawked at people who rocked the dancefloor. but anyway. after teaching us the dance steps, the instructors came to personally pick out people to compete. and i was one of the lucky ones. i felt utterly frightened because jiahui and i didnt learn the dance steps. we were talking the whole time. and like when i went up i just managed the first part then started doing my own thing together with the taught steps by looking at the other dancers. omh how embarrassing. thats why zixuan tagged about me dancing in the tagboard. i still think i really embarrassed myself.

i put my life on hold. just for tsd. those crazy nights of ending at 9pm+++ and then returning back to school the next day at like 7am........ i really just dont want to think about anything else other than my theatre pieces so please try not to sms because i might not reply. sorry.

today when i was out buying costumes for the whole group, i shopped a little. it was so fun! i seriously cant imagine myself being attached to a boy anymore. it all seems so NOT me. although i'm always whining that i want a boyfriend and i need someone to take care of me, i'll seriously get sick of the boy and just break it all up in no time. because i have tsd, i have amily, i have friends, i have ambitions and because i have a knack for falling for boys with no ambitions they usually dont understand what my ambitions mean to me. anyway sorry for sidetracking. so today i went to buy the costumes right, (we're all wearing bedroom nightgowns/slips) i went to shop aroundand i bought so much redundant stuff for myself. hahahahahaaha. as usual. i bought a pair of shoes which are damn gorgeous omg and so cheap la only $30! it looks like snakeskin but it isnt. anyway it'll look so good with my black stockings. anyway i also bought a pair of earrings and alot of brooches because necklaces are really expensive these days so i decided to make my own and reuse the chains. i only need nice pendants but how timely, there arent any pendants to be found and i realised brooches make good pendants if you string them carefully. haha

last night i met youk and kt and nicholas after slots at around 730 (actual meeting time was 7 la walao luckily i was late too if not i would have shouted at all of them) on 197 to collect my money back from kt. i still owe him his birthday gift haha. anyway so kt dropped off somewhere along siglap road and the remaining 3 of us rode back to bedok. nicholas left and i went with youk to the interchange to buy my stuff for groups. i just tried to search la but to no avail. so nvm anyway. after that we went to giant to walk walk and talk and then he sent me home but on the bus ride he decided he wanted to eat so we went to bedok food centre to eat! he had lamb soup and i ate my good ol popiah. fastforward we got on the bus at around 930? i reached home soon after and dropped dead on my bed after washing my hair! not forgetting going to cold storage to buy my loreal hot curls spray and the whole lot of foodstuff for my juniors. which youk very kindly helped me carry. hehe, thats all for last night. ooh i was coming up with really dumb ideas during group session and because my piece is about me balding and all the other girls having obsessions with their body parts, i thought of saying "hair implants, beijing 101" which, till now, still cracks me up. hahahaha.

recently i just heard from this boy i met through a mutual friend while working last year. its weird now. we've all changed. people who used to be a huge part of your life are now under the "just friends" category.

to the people i love. i miss you all hardcore. plus my homie!!!!!!!! i hope i am meeting her this thur. if i am lucky i would meet and talk with angela too. loves all much much much.